whatever light is

22 miles

The best people in your life come the most unexpected ways. I remember talking to you on snapchat and thinking nothing about it, even though I definitely wanted to impress you. As time went on and  I continued to text you first when I got home from school or after dinner, I remember randomly thinking about texting you but I did not feel like you were interested. 

I remember the day I met you I was shaking, swallowing all the fear and all the anxiousness that meeting a person for the very first time feels like. Instantly, I was worried that you were not gonna like me, that I was gonna mispronounce something, that my humor would not let me see that smile of yours, that you did not like what you saw. I remember getting to the mall and going straight to caffeine because it would give me an excuse to be a little altered, I did not want to show you how nervous I was even though as you approached me I sent you a text that read “I am scared.” I remember noticing your height first, you were shorter than me but as I got closer I saw your mouth move and smiling to me, I was so distracted I spilled my chai tea latte all over myself and you had to help me get myself together. I remember being sassy and feeling like the entire population of butterflies had their annual meeting in my stomach. The worst part is that I could not look at your beautiful face for long periods of time because you made me blush so I had to look away several times. My favorite part was when we sat in your car listening to my music, I started to tell you that Hillary Clinton was a bad bitch (over a year ago now we know better haha) and how much I loved music and I did not shut up for a while because in the first time in my life I was able to open up to someone the first day I met them. I was not thinking about kissing you just yet, I was just so caught up in the moment that I wanted to remember every single second by your side.

2151 miles after and suddenly I craved your presence and the way you spoke. I went on a vacation to get away from everyone here and my mom and school and party by myself but what I truly did in those two weeks was think of ways on how to communicate with you. You were always in my mind even when I was drunk I imagined how my vacation would be if you were by my side. 

The first time you called me was when I was hungover and a little bit under the weather, I was so happy to hear your voice and I remember feeling instantly better after you called, it was one of those psychological effects that I can’t explain but you know what I am talking about.  

628 miles after, in NYC while you were in Canada I was so worried that you, because you’re older than me, would want to party and have fun with other people that I told you that I was amazed at how many attractive people I saw. I teased you by telling you stupid little remarks that yes they were true but; well, to me not one of those people could ever compare to you. Not only did I start to really build some love towards you while I was away but I also just wanted to go back to being with you to doing whatever you wanted, it never mattered, just as long you were with me. 

Driving for over 10 hours and rushing everyone because I wanted to see you as soon as I got back home. You waited for me for hours at the mall and then you came to my house with your cousin, on a black shirt. I remember sitting in the back of your car and I could feel how nervous you were and I started talking to calm you down and make you feel better. Getting off the car I just wanted to hold you for a couple of seconds and remind you that I have been waiting to see you for over a month and all this wait was extremely difficult to live but all I did was just hit you because well you sorta hit me haha. We went into the theater and we went to our auditorium and sat down and we started talking about…idk what I just wanted to grab your face and kiss you so bad. 

I remember you starter being all touchy feely and I was so happy, when the movie started you were laying on me and I was laying on you and it just felt so natural, I am still amazed at it. An hour into the movie I started pondering on how was I gonna do to kiss you and I just ended up doing it; i grabbed your face and kissed you. Well that surprised me a little bit because you did shove your tongue into my mouth with no hesitation and after I, so rudely, judged you for it, I grabbed your face again and finally kissed you right and I swear to everything in the world, I have never felt so high in my entire life. 

Kissing you is my favorite thing in the world, I love grabbing your face gently and pressing my lips against yours slowly. Sometimes when we kiss I open my eyes and see you with your eyes closed with so much peace and tranquility and love in you that it just makes me want to kiss you even more. I am so addicted to your lips and the way you kiss me and pull me closer and how kissing always leads to sex or cuddles or just more love. Our relationship revolves around so much love…

I know things are different now, well just a little bit. I am content to still be able to have you in my life, to be able to kiss your cheek (even though your lips will always be my home), to hug you, love you, take care of you, spoil you like the king you are and just treat you as well as I can. Thank you for allowing me to be in your life for this long, we have gone through hell and back and here we are. 10 months later. 

From the bottom of my heart, I love you and I will always be in love with you. You are my best friend and my soulmate and I can’t wait to hear your voice again tomorrow.

I miss you from 22 miles away.